Love Your Neighbor
For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. [1 John 3:11]
The previous two teachings on Perfected Love concentrated on understanding the love God has for us, and how we demonstrate our love for God. This last section on loving your neighbor culminates the true manifestation of understanding of God's perfect love. If we fail at loving our neighbors, then we are yet to fully understand the love of God and the love for God. In fact, the love we have for each other is the final element of our faith in God because we cannot have one without the other. We cannot love God without loving each other; and conversely, we cannot truly love each other without loving God. These two verses of Scripture stress this important truth.
By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. [1 John 5:2]
If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar. For he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? [1 John 4:20]
What is Love?
The word "love" used as a verb in the English language has many synonyms, such as adore, adulate, cherish, have affection for, be enamored with or of, treasure, and even like. While the English word "love" and its equivalent terms mostly describe an emotional bond or feeling toward a person, thing, or circumstances, the Greek language goes deeper. Herein is a way for us to expand our understanding of love and its true context of the scriptures. Truthfully, the word "love" and even its synonyms in English are much too vague in their usage. For example, we love God, our wives, our children, our parents, and our friends. We even love our jobs, cars, pets, food, television shows, etc. The synonyms of love can be substituted in each case and not change the meaning as we understand it today. But do we love these things in the same measure? Surely, one doesn't love his or her job, dog, car, favorite food the same as God, their spouse, and children. I pray God this is true for all of you.
Consequently, we throw this word "love" around when referring to anything we are fond of, which reveals the problem we have in understanding the true meaning of love as God desires. In essence, our love is based not upon our actions, but upon how a person, thing, or circumstance makes us feel. The love we use is conditional upon how a person, thing, or circumstances make us feel at the time. We love people as long as we're getting along with them and they are making us feel good. However, when something happens to disrupt your feelings, this love changes and it manifests itself in the way we treat them.
Many people love the beach as long as the weather is suitable to them, or there are no crowds. Similarly, we love and cherish our cars when they're new, but as soon as it breaks down or reveals some wear and tear, we either curse it or trade it in. Is this love? With people, the same can be true for many of us. The culture of America today tells us that if you're not happy with your spouse, trade them in for a new one, go on "The Bachelor" and find someone new. Why, when a person says, "I love you" and commits their life to them, does it often dissolve? It does because the object of their former affection no longer pleases them in the same way they had before--just like the new car. We simply do not understand love the way God wants us to. Therefore, when we read the Bible and see the word "love", we are not able to grasp the fullness of the meaning of the word. In the Greek language--the language of the New Testament scriptures--there are four words that mean love: eros, phileo, stergos, and agape.
Eros
Eros is commonly defined as romantic, physical, and sexual love. It is the kind of love that leads to the beginning of the marriage relationship. Because it is chemically induced, its effects are pleasurable, but temporary. Everyone remembers meeting someone for the first time and the corresponding feelings of excitement, joy, and mania. This is the sensation caused by chemicals and hormones in your body that react with what your senses detect. The word "chemistry" is used when referring to the indescribable bond two people have with each other. This chemistry is a physiological response that produces the release of the hormones I mentioned previously. God has given us these chemicals and our senses in order that we would be able to facilitate intercourse and propagate the world through marriage. But He did not design for them to control our very lives. Have you ever seen a person who is in a new relationship and they seem to be on cloud nine? Even the most rational and logical people do the most irrational and illogical things when under the influence of eros. It's like a drug, and when a person is high, he or she would do anything to feed this feeling--including becoming romantically involved with a person who is clearly dangerous or mentally unstable. Many of you have experienced situations where you tried to warn a friend about a certain person and they just wouldn't listen. This scenario probably represents all of us who have fallen prey to the effects of eros. When left uncontrolled, it makes us do things we would not normally do.
Fortunately, God made our systems to develop an immunity from this drug over time. Like I said, the feelings of eros--not eros itself--but the feelings of eros are only temporary. One day you wake up next to Prince Charming, and he's no longer either charming or prince-like. This is why many relationships last only a few months (the average for men is three). Because the effects of eros wear off over time and when there is no other foundation, the relationship usually fails.
The world teaches us that physical attraction is the foundation of a lasting relationship. This is wrong and based upon the chemistry principle of eros. Eros can thrive consistently within a marriage relationship, but only after having laid the foundation of godly love and friendship. It is important to note that eros is not found in the New Testament. It appears that God does not think it important that we operate in eros--for good reason.
Phileo
Phileo is defined as brotherly or fraternal love. The word Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, is derived from this word. This is the love between friends. When writing his gospel, the apostle John used the word phileo when documenting the conversation between the Lord and Peter in John 21:15-17. Notice which love the Lord uses compared to Peter.
So when they had dined, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, do you love [agape] me more than these? He said unto him, Yea, Lord; you know that I love [phileo] you. He said unto him, Feed my lambs. He said to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, do you love [agape] me? He said unto him, Yea, Lord; you know that I love [phileo] you. He said unto him, Feed my sheep. He said unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, do you love [phileo] me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Do you love [phileo] me? And he said unto him, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love [phileo] you. Jesus said unto him, Feed my sheep.
While Jesus used the verb agapao, meaning godly love, the first two questions, Peter answered Him with phileo, or fraternal love. It was the third question from the Lord that grieved Peter because He asked if he loved Him using phileo instead of agapao. It was evident that Peter had not yet understood the extent of God's love.
Stergos
Stergos is defined as familial or parental love, the love one has toward their parents, siblings, close relatives, and children. Like eros, stergos is not found in the New Testament, I believe, because God desires us to operate in His love, which is agape.
Agape
Agape is godly, unconditional love that makes you love someone not because of who they are and how they make you feel, but because of who you are in Christ. God is love [1 John 4:16] and the physical manifestation of His love is Jesus. As if we needed to be shown, the perfect demonstration of God's love is the cross. The Bible says: But God commended his love [agape] toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. [Romans 5:8] Agape is also described by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, but the word "charity" is used in place of love. In verses 1-3, Paul states that despite having all faith, power, anointing, knowledge, generosity, and even suffering, without godly love, we are nothing. Since Christ is the manifestation of love, He and it are our foundation of life in Christ.
When we are born again, God gives us His love by His Spirit (Galatians 5:22). This love must be planted firmly and deeply within us that it never runs dry. Jesus came because of love; He healed multitudes because of love; He went to the cross because of love; and He gave us the Holy Spirit because of love. Therefore, as ambassadors and imitators of Christ, we too must walk in His love and demonstrate it to the world--not only people who are lovable. Walking in godly love is a deliberate choice we make because it is not dependent on our feelings at the time.
Loving Yourself
The Lord Jesus commanded, Love your neighbor as yourself. [Matthew 22:39] Before we undertake loving others as God would have you, we must first establish the level of affection you have toward yourself. We don't love ourselves in a selfish, narcissistic way, but in a way that honors the temple of God, and acknowledges the preciousness of the new creature in Christ. Said plainly, we love who we are in Christ. By nature, we love our flesh and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. God has given us senses that detect pain in order to protect our flesh, so it isn't as if He hates our bodies. Rather, He has made our bodies the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). God does hate the flesh in that our physical senses and earthly nature have dominated us throughout life. It is His will that while we walk in a fleshly body, we do not walk in the flesh, but in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-18). Because the flesh is like a spoiled child, getting every need met at its own whim, it rebels when your spirit--the inner man--wills to take over. This is the battle between the spirit and flesh as described in Galatians 5:17. Your new spirit wants to do it God's way, which is by faith that contradicts the senses; and the flesh, because it is earthy and untamed, lashes out against anything that comes against it. Unfortunately, most of us submit to the will of the flesh, and consequently, the spirit man doesn't do the things that you would.
This is why fasting is so very important in the Christian life. It puts the flesh under the control of the Spirit and the word of God. If done consistently, you can train your flesh to be obedient to your spirit, instead of vice-versa. This is part of renewing your mind with the word of God (Romans 12:2).
The bottom line is that we must love the Christ in us, the hope of glory, and apply this love to others. God finds you special enough to have died on the cross and give you His Spirit so that you can have an abundant life on earth.
Loving Your Spouse
Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. [Ephesians 5:25]
The marriage relationship is the preeminent example of the relationship between Christ and the Father, and also Christ and the Church. Marriage exemplifies the union of spirit and flesh in relation to both God and man, and husband and wife.
~The two shall be one flesh. [Matthew 19:5]
~I and my Father are one. [John 10: 30]
~That they all may be one; as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be one in us. ~That the world may believe that you have sent me. And the glory which you gave me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one. I in them, and you in me, that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that you have sent me, and have loved them, as you have loved me. [John 17: 21-23]
The marriage vow spoken between husband and wife is a sacred oath to God and to each other of their undying, unconditional, godly [agape] love. It is not based entirely on feelings or circumstances, but on a commitment to living in God's word, and demonstrating the relationship between God and man through it. Although the romantic [eros] love is usually present at the time of marriage, it cannot be the driving force of the marriage. As I said before, if eros is dominating, the marriage is headed for peril.
You husbands, take heed to these words and let them sink into your hearts. Adam named Eve and therefore, your wife obtains her identity by and in you. This is why the woman traditionally takes the name of her husband. Your wife will be an exact reflection of what kind of husband you are. If she's unhappy, then you are not living up to Ephesians 5:25. Your wife should be your cherished possession. God has given her to you for you to treasure as an example of how the Lord Jesus cherishes us. You must give yourself completely to her. If you remember King David's transgression with Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11, the prophet Nathan was sent by the Lord to David [2 Samuel 12]. The prophet told a parable to David about a poor man with a ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up. And it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. [2 Samuel 12:3] The poor man cherished his little ewe lamb, as if it were his own daughter. According to the parable, the little ewe lamb was Bathsheba and the poor man was her husband Uriah the Hittite, whom David had killed.
Brothers, we need to cherish our wives as daughters like the poor man's ewe lamb. Nothing should be more important to us than her because we have made God supreme over our lives. To be a godly man is to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. As husband and high priest, God has intended for you to be the spiritual leader of the household. God has appointed you head, and if you get out of God's order, you allow the devil to come in and bring destruction. You are the prayer leader, the preacher, the Sunday school teacher, worship leader, and head counselor in spiritual matters. As high priest of your family, you are responsible for the spiritual health and growth of your family. So, if you'd rather watch "NFL Countdown" on Sunday mornings than being the example of Christ to your family, don't be surprised if the devil comes in and usurps the authority God has given you.
Now for you wives, the Bible says: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. [Ephesians 5:23-24] As the wife achieves her identity from her husband, the husband realizes his significance through his wife. Since she is a mirror reflection (glory) of him, her happiness equates with his significance. [1 Corinthians 11: 7, 9] This is why submission to your husband is so very important to maintaining God's order. When you as wife submit yourself to the authority given to him as head, he will in turn, be even more willing to give of himself as Christ gave for the church.
These two principles, however, do not work very well without the agreement of the other. Notwithstanding, the Bible says in 1 Peter 3:1: Likewise, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. This verse means that even if your husbands do not obey the word, your behavior may prove to be a powerful witness to your husband.
Speaking of marriage in general terms: Walk in humility, forgiveness, mercy, and compassion toward your spouse. Always encourage and lift each other up if the other is struggling or down. Choose your words carefully as they can either bring death or life (Proverbs 18:21). Keep Christ at the center of your relationship and never forget that the cross was all about reconciliation. People disagree, and at times, venture out into the flesh where the devil brings in destruction. Take any disagreements to the Word and prayer. The humility and forgiveness of the love of Christ will chase the devil away and bring restoration (2 Corinthians 2:7-11). Most importantly, always, and I mean always walk in agreement with each other. As one flesh, you must take the same path or you will separate. The Bible says: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? [Amos 3:3] A husband and wife must be in constant agreement in the path of their lives. They must walk together or one will leave the other or take a different path. Either way, when this occurs, it gives place for the devil to come and destroy. The devil is like a roaring lion, walking about seeking whom he may devour. [1 Peter 5:7] Notice it says whom he may devour. The devil can only devour ones who allow him in the door. By failing to come into agreement with each other, you are opening the door to the devil.
Loving Your Children
The discussion of loving your children should be unnecessary, because most of us do not have an issue with loving them. But, I'll touch on some points for parents. Parents, especially you fathers, are your child's example of God. The love of a father toward his children is so vitally important to their character development and their relationship with God. In rearing your children, take the example God has given you as a loving Father whose love is unconditional. God loves us so much that not only does He want to give us our heart's desire, (Psalm 37:4; Luke 12:32) but He has given us a set of rules to protect us from the consequences of disobedience. Thus, fathers must establish strict rules by which consequences are suffered as a result of disobedience. The Bible says: And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. [Ephesians 6:4]
Some of you may be asking, "How can I discipline my children without making them angry?" Again, we do what God has done. When God made His covenant with Israel, He established the rules for the children early on, so any punishment or consequences were fair and just (Deuteronomy 30:19-20). Therefore, you must be fair and just when dealing with your children. The Bible says: He has shown you, O man, what is good. What does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? [Micah 6: 8]
God is a merciful and forgiving God as He demonstrated on the cross. Know that you represent God, the loving Father of mercies, and the fact that you are fair, just, and merciful will allow them to connect with their Heavenly Father in a greater way. I know several people who have had difficulties understanding the love of their Heavenly Father because their earthly fathers did not apply these principles. Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God, and you will be a great example to your kids.
Loving Your Parents
While the first four of the Ten Commandments were about our relationship with God, the fifth, Honor your father and your mother was the first and only commandment with a promise attached to it: that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God gives you. [Exodus 20: 12] In fact, it is the only commandment that tells us what to do in relationship with others, while the others tell us what NOT to do. Throughout the Bible, we are commanded to honor, give reverence to, and fear our parents (Deuteronomy 5:16; Leviticus 19:3, 32). The Lord Jesus demonstrated submission to His earthly parents in Luke 2:51 until He had grown into an adult. Even as an adult, He never displayed irreverence to His mother (and we assume His father as well). However, Jesus did not allow His mother to control Him once He became an adult.
This is a lesson for children--especially ones that are married. The Bible says that a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). This means that you (both parents and children) must sever the apron strings attached from each other. A married man's life is one of being attached to his wife--and her to him. This is not to suggest that parents or children cannot be involved or help their children or parents in need, as we are all commanded to help others in need. However, we cannot remain yoked to our parents and be married at the same time.
Regardless of how good or bad your parents were (or are), God's word still commands us to honor and show reverence to our parents. I am not suggesting that you have to agree with everything they say or do, and submit to things that contradict God's word, but as I stated before, loving them in God's way has nothing to do with who they are, but who God is. If you are still dependent on your parents for support, shelter, etc., then you must submit to their authority as the Lord Jesus did when He returned with them from Jerusalem (Luke 2:51).
Loving the Unlovable
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love them which love you, what reward have you? Do not even the publicans the same? And if you salute your brethren only, what do you more than others? Do not even the publicans so? Be therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. [Matthew 5:44-48]
This teaching was and still is perhaps the most difficult pill for people to swallow because it goes against every ounce of our mind and soul. When someone wrongs us, our immediate reaction is fleshly and usually filled with vengeance--and not of mercy and love. Jesus said that the only way to bring revelation of Him to the world was by loving people--even our enemies (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27; John 13:34-35; John 15:8-14). This love can be demonstrated in a variety of ways, as the Lord did during His ministry. He healed because of His love and compassion. He forgave the adulterous woman because of His love and compassion (John 8:11). He taught people the kingdom of God because of His love. He preached repentance and restoration through faith in Him because of love. He laid down His life because of His love. Everything Jesus did was out of love.
The reason the world isn't seeing the living Christ being manifested is because His disciples are not fully demonstrating God's love the way Jesus did. Yes, we hug, comfort, and encourage people in their time of need. But do we forgive when we're wronged? Do we speak the truth of God's Word in love instead of condoning unbelief just because a person is suffering? Do we seek to be so committed to God that rivers of living water flow from our bellies? Instead of realizing love by your own works, return to the gospels and again learn how the Lord loved people. As Jesus did only what He saw the Father do (John 5:19), we should do only what Jesus has done. How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power. Who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. [Acts 10:38]
Other than laying down His life for us on the cross, perhaps the greatest demonstration of love occurred in John 13 when Jesus washed the disciples' feet. This night was the night before He would endure the mockery, torture, and suffering on the cross, and by all of man's standards, there should have been a great feast in His honor. Even death-row inmates are honored with requests during their last day on earth. But Jesus, knowing His fate, and instead of saying, "I'm dying for them tomorrow so they should honor Me", He chose to wash His disciples' feet, which was perhaps the lowliest form of service. He even washed the feet of Judas Iscariot knowing of his imminent betrayal.
When the Lord finished, He asked, Do you know what I have done to you? [v. 12] Jesus was demonstrating a great act of love and humility in order to give an example for the disciples to do the same. It wasn't just about washing feet, it was about understanding that we Christians are no better than anyone, and our love is demonstrated by our willingness to go about doing good, and humility to minister to other people--even those who are your enemies. Jesus said, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. [John 15:13] However, Jesus didn't lay down His life for His friends only, but for His enemies as well (Romans 5:8; John 10:15; 1 John 3:16).
If you know these things, happy are you if you do them. [John 13:17]
